“Do you even reread what you write?” the lawyer asked me. Well, that is the thing, that is all I ever do, write and read, work, studies, free time.. That might be the reason why I no longer notice the details, nor do I care to notice them. And I am tired of all the writing. Having 2 managers to function as editors to all of our writing not only makes us lazy, it is also tiring. Being between the grindstones, he said, she said, hairsplitting. And I wonder about the point of it all, what significance my writing has. Sometimes it solves someone’s problem, sometimes the other way round, but most of the time – none. But I know that, if not me, someone else would write it all, that is how this society functions, how the aparatus works. We write things down not so much to remember or to inform, but to make it legally binding, to have a proof usable in court.
The peasants revolted (1525) and one of their main demands was for “all Juris Doctors to be banished from the country”.
- I. Birziņa “Roman Law”
I am loosing my mentors one after another. First, my senior manager is gone, hence the game of thrones that I don’t like one bit. It takes more than a loud voice and a backbone to be a leader. A lot more. And it is hard to take someone seriously, to listen to their critique, when one knows they bought their diploma. I wish I didn’t know that, would be easier. And my BA is done and I am not happy about it either, even with getting a higher evaluation than I hoped for or think I deserve. I would rather like to exchange it for a degree in law or something, so I can go back and enroll in Eng.phil. again.
But as it is, I am where I am. Tired. With too many blank pages to fill. I want to write less and read more. And sleep.
